


Already Taken (illustrated - badly, by the author)

by GayDemonicDisaster (scrapheapchallenge)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comedy, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Crowley is Summoned (Good Omens), Demon Summoning, Gen, Summoning Circles, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, author is clearly not an artist, brief mention of sex toys, well this is awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapheapchallenge/pseuds/GayDemonicDisaster
Summary: From a prompt on twitter by Aldrymovdon: "What if someone was trying to summon a demon for sex and Crowley pops up and he's just like "sorry, y'all, I'm married."An incubus summoning doesn't go as expected.Illustrated, extremely amateurishly, by the author, with apologies.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 344





	Already Taken (illustrated - badly, by the author)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yvesriba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvesriba/gifts), [Aldrymovdon](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Aldrymovdon).



Nathalie tried to suppress a yelp of glee as the summoning circle glowed. It was working… no, it had WORKED! 

A figure stood in the centre, looking confused. He was tall with short red hair, lean sculpted body and very handsome with an aquiline nose. Nathalie’s heart fluttered excitedly at the sight.

“Fucking hell it _worked!”_

The figure spoke. 

“Uh.., hi. Um. What’s this all about?” He looked around, then down at the circle with interest. His interest turned to confusion, then he got down on all fours and started inspecting the sigils more carefully. 

“Oh….” he sat back on his heels, still kneeling on the floor. “Well, fuck…” 

“I had rather hoped so,” replied Nathalie.

“Um. So… you _meant_ this to be an incubus circle rather than a general summoning circle then? 

“Well… yeah…” Nathalie confessed.

The demon looked awkward as he stood, and rubbed at the back of his neck distractedly. “Because, um.., that’s gonna present a bit of a problem y’see.”

“Problem?”

“Yeah. I’m married.”

Nathalie blinked, then finally spied the gold wedding ring on his left hand.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, just the other week, as it happens. We were kind of on our honeymoon, if you must know. I was just popping out to the shops to buy him some croissants for breakfast when you summoned me.”

“Oh… oh fuck, I’m sorry!”

Nathalie felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She’d summoned a married demon on his honeymoon for sex.

“Oh my fucking God. Dude… I’m so sorry. I mean, um, congratulations… I guess?”

“Thanks.”

“Is he nice?” She tried, by way of small talk, not sure what else to say. The demon looked at her as if she were a few sandwiches, a cake and an entire nest of ants short of a picnic.

“Well… _yeah._ That’s kind of why I married him y’know. He’s an angel.”

“What, _literally?”_

“Yes, _literally._ He’s also going to be pretty pissed off if his husband doesn’t get back with some croissants pretty damn quick.”

Nathalie was mortified. And disappointed. Crowley saw her face fall and felt a twinge of sympathy.

“Look, I get it, I really do. I had a six thousand year long dry spell myself, it’s frustrating, trust me, I _know,_ but I’m afraid I’m not really in a position to help you right now, sorry.” He shrugged.

“Well, I guess when you put it like that it does kind of put things into perspective really.” Nathalie sighed. 

“What’s your name, love?”

“Nathalie,” she responded, staring at her hands mournfully.

“Hi Nathalie, I’m Crowley. Look, I know it sucks, but I’ve gotta get back to my angel, here, sorry it didn’t work out, but have this one on me…” he snapped and miracled up a hitachi wand massager, which appeared in its box on the floor between them. “Five star rating, best sex toy on the market pretty much ever, pretty damned good if I do say so myself. Trust me, it gets the job done. Enjoy it.”

Nathalie looked up, the Demon was smiling at her. 

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’m really sorry for interrupting your honeymoon.”

“It’s all good, I’ll be off now, have fun though. Ciao.”

“Bye.”

Crowley snapped and disappeared. Nathalie inspected the box with interest. The demon had included a £666 gift card to an online sex toy shop as well with an added note: 

_“Go wild, buy what you want, hope you enjoy it, cheers for being cool about the whole thing.”_

Well, it was still better than nothing, she supposed. Her opinion rapidly changed for the better after an instructive and rather sweaty first half hour with the device, which she quickly decided was her new best friend ever.

* * *

From prompt on twitter [ https://twitter.com/alrdymovdon/status/1279910304462237697 ](https://twitter.com/alrdymovdon/status/1279910304462237697)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Yvesriba for mentoring me, being very supportive and encouraging me to have a go at drawing. Also for encouraging me actually include one. I still have zero self confidence.


End file.
